- Why it’s important to control your emotions?
- This applies to anyone that needs to work on anger management and taking control of their life with self-control.
- In this post, I’ll explain why it’s important to learn self- control, explain how to control yourself, and provide helpful tips to dealing with anger.
What are the different types of anger? Why we should work to understand our anger and control ourselves?
How to control your emotions and deal with Anger?
- Stay calm
- Ask yourself: Why am I so upset?
- Accept the way you feel
- Understand the consequences of lacking self-control
- Understand the benefits of self-control
- Have some fun, relieve stress
“Gosh, I’m just so angry right now, I really don’t care what anyone else thinks!” Have you ever thought or said anything similar to this before? I know I have, but the truth is that there is a reaction for every action and our own anger can harm us in the future. It could make us say and do things we don’t mean to, attract bad karma or embarrass ourselves without noticing right away.
“Do not be eager in your heart to be angry, For anger dwells in the heart of fools.”
We all have people and moments in our lives that can be very irritating. These situations can get out of hand if we do not understand how to take some time to really think before making an impulsive action, especially if something irritates you deep down to your core and just makes you want to explode with anger, hate yourself, cry and think of revenge or act like everything is okay while planning someone else’s misfortune. If you often have any of these moments. This post is for you.
Every wise being understands that having a life of control is what attracts success into anyone’s life. Today you will see why it’s so important to have self-control and discover different tactics that can be used to better control your life by controlling emotions, especially anger. There are many different types of anger however we will look into the most common types. Psychology today states that there are four common types of anger:
- Justifiable anger,
- annoyance anger,
- aggressive anger and
- chronic aggressive anger.
“She is so disgusting, she’s such a liar, after all these years I just can’t forgive her, I have a right to be angry at her and treat her the way I do.” This is Justifiable anger, the belief that your anger is justified or you have a right to be angry so you do not try to control your anger or even take the time to look into the fact that anger is bad for your health and that everyone deserves forgiveness. Annoyance anger is influenced by whatever thing or person that caused you discomfort and irritability. This type of anger takes place when you find it hard to stop being influenced by external events.
Aggressive anger takes place when someone physically or emotionally abuses another person for personal gain. Chronic aggressive anger is basically aggressive anger taken to a whole other level that can get very dangerous, so bad that the perpetrator could end up in jail. We should all work to understanding our anger. It’s a fact that we can’t solve a problem if we do not know what the cause of the problem is.
Starting today, if you notice that your actions make others uncomfortable, sad or upset. Stop and look at the situation from both sides and try to see what you could have possibly done to make someone respond with a negative emotion towards you.
Now I am not an expert in mental health or a psychologist, I am simply giving you details based on what I have read and seen friends and family members experience along with myself. One thing that’s for sure is that empathy is something that can be a real eye opener to any situation if you truly pay attention to someone along with actively listening to the way they express themselves. I know it can be difficult not to be bias towards ourselves but it’s important to be fair to others and treat others how we want to be treated.
1. STAY CALM
The next time you feel like getting angry at someone, just do a long inhale and give the other person the benefit of the doubt. Try to remain calm because we make more rational decisions when calm. Please take a moment to realize that anger takes a lot of energy and that energy can be generated towards becoming a better version of yourself rather than lashing out on someone else or your own self.
Staying Calm will help you to control your emotions whether it be anger, sadness, etc. If you find it hard to stay calm, say nothing and just breathe. Many thoughts will run through your mind but let them just move on and focus on your breath. You may even try a countdown from 10 and visualize yourself becoming calmer each time you I u reach the next number.
2. ASK YOURSELF: WHY AM I SO UPSET?
Like really, why am I so upset? Were my feelings hurt? Did I feel threatened? Whatever the reason is for your anger, it’s very important to spend some time finding out why you feel the way you do so that the next time you get angry you will know how to deal with the situation in a calm manner. Take some time to tune into your emotions right after you feel them rather than acting on them right away.
People usually have a backstory linked to their anger, the worst the anger the harder it usually is for someone to let go of the pain and they end up carrying it for years. Listen to your inner voice and analyze it, analyze what the other person said and find out whether you were in the wrong or if they were. Express yourself! If someone hurt you it is your duty to address the situation after calming down. Let the other person know how you felt or ask them why they responded the way they did. Communication is important when resolving a problem. After finalizing both parties side of the story you need to decide whether you need to change or decide to give the other person feedback on their behavior.
3. ACCEPT THE WAY YOU FEEL
In life things do not always go exactly as planned however the final outcome is based on how you respond. Knowing how you feel and accepting your feelings can propel you in a direction of favor. Acceptance does not mean that you like the situation but it means that you have made amends with your reality.
Living in denial will only do you harm, you need to know your truth and accept it to set yourself free. Free yourself from making repeated mistakes and having the same results in your daily interactions. Acceptance will also prevent you from beating yourself up over mistakes. Sometimes we can be hard on ourselves, some more than others but it’s not healthy. This behavior promotes negative self-talk.
Please do not allow your emotions to spiral out of control and downgrade yourself and lower your self-esteem with negativity. Many people that grow up with parents that were really harsh or highly embarrassed for making a mistake usually get quite upset at themselves and in return do the same to others. Always try to remember that everything in life happens to us for a reason so accept reality and move on.
4. UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES OF LACKING SELF-CONTROL
PLoS One.com states that Self-control is one of the most important human endowments, as it allows people to limit impulsive behaviors. Poor self-control has been found to be related to numerous problems, such as obesity, criminality, risky sexual behavior, drug and alcohol use, as well as other negative outcomes
It is a fact that we need to practice having self-control in order to have a balanced and happier life. Please take a moment right now to think about when you didn’t maintain self-control. Make a list of all the possible consequences, things you would miss out on or have to face because you didn’t control yourself. I did the exercise and noticed that a lack of self-control can hold us back in so many ways, life can become so much more difficult than it needs to be and we can lose a lot of the things we enjoy in life.
Here is an example, my baby was staying with her grandmother, and she fell and hit her head. I was furious because my baby never hurts herself when she is with me, I know her grandmother was being negligent. To know that I left her with her grandmother and she hurt herself, I was just furious and wanted to just explode at her grandmother. I had to control myself because she is family, she cooks amazing dinners, helps around the house, helps with the baby very often and I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings for her to become even more negligent around my child because she is upset with me. If I had gotten as upset as I felt, the argument would have spiraled out of control, the negativity would harbor in the house and so much more chaos.
5. UNDERSTAND THE BENEFITS OF SELF-CONTROL
The possibilities are endless when you can control yourself by controlling different emotions. We can enjoy the life of not being predictable, only share with others what we want them to know, avoid unnecessary pain and drama, better solutions to problems, better decision making, less stress and so much more. When we control our emotions and beliefs, we control our destiny.
Our emotions determine the kind of life we live and the events we attract into our lives. What we put out into the universe is what comes back to us. Psychreg states that the person who understands that our perception changes with our emotions knows that what we see is not a true, solid reality. What we see is distorted by the emotion that is running us at that moment. It makes sense that we try and gain control over our emotions if we are to have a chance at not being run by our lower primal instincts. We are the ones that decide if we will spend most of our lives angry and sad or calm and happy. Which will your emotions choose?
6. HAVE SOME FUN, RELIEVE STRESS
Over the years I’ve come to notice that some of the angriest people alive really don’t have much fun. They usually hate their job, don’t take vacations often, hurt from the past and just not satisfied with life at all. I’ve been that road before; many people have but the glorious thing is that life can change in the blink of an eye. Start having some fun! It doesn’t matter where you are or how much money you have.
Fun is all about making the most out of the present moment, tell some jokes, and share a funny back story. Get some laughter in your life, dance, have a nice meal, fall in love, launch a deal and if you don’t have the physical means to have fun you can use your imagination. Visualize a happy moment or something big you would want for the future. Cut back on the stress and forget the cranky life. Do not spend your time worrying, find solutions and be confident that life will get better. If you have someone around you that is toxic, work to remove that person from your life. For each moment that they disturb you, just think about your next move and how great life will be when you have moved on.
In conclusion I would like to just say that anger is an emotion we all have, we can decide whether we choose to let anger consume us or if we would prefer to generate that energy towards solving a problem that we are eager to resolve. No one that wants prosperity and blessings to reign in their life chooses to be unhappy or make the people around them unhappy. If you’re ready to live the life of your dreams then simply take control. Take control of your emotions and claim your success.
Have you ever met anyone with anger issues? Tell us about it and how you dealt with it, share this post with them.
References:
New American Standard Bible. (1995) Bible Gateway. Retrieved from; https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes%207:8-10&version=NASB1995
Perina. K., 4 Types of Anger and Their Destructive Impact. Psychology Today. 2019; Retrieved from: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/communication-success/201905/4-types-anger-and-their-destructive-impact%3famp
Lee. B and Kemmelmeier. How reliable are the effects of self-control training: A re-examination using self-report and physical measures. PLoS One. 2017; Retrieved from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5464579/
Trettenero. S., Controlling Our Emotions to Create Our Perception. Psychreg. 2019; Retrieved from: https://www.psychreg.org/controlling-emotions/
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